I love the Martha Graham quote, “Great dancers are not great because of their technique, they are great because of their passion.” In the first part of this series, I discussed the rational reasons for pursuing dance as a hobby. Some or all of them might apply to you, but emotion is what really turns an interest into a passion. Dancing feeds our deepest desires, and that’s why you really dance.
Dancing is sexy!
Deep down we all want to be special. Becoming a good dancer will give you a sense of creativity and achievement every time you step on the floor. When you dance, you’ll feel a glow from showing off a skill that most others don’t have.
Who do you picture as the epitome of grace? A dancer, of course. As you grow in skill, you’ll develop beautiful posture and carriage, and acquire more grace and poise. Your friends might not be able to put their fingers on it, but they will sense that you are radiating ease.
If you know how to dance, you’ll simply have more fun. No more sitting on the sidelines secretly wishing you could join in. Instead, other will be watching you with envy.
She must be a dancer!
Dancers are impressive. They’re fun, they’re fit, and they ooze sex appeal. If you’re trying to impress someone (or a whole lot of people), then learning to dance is a great place to start.
Being a good dancer will increase your social ease and self-confidence, which in turn will increase your popularity. Who wouldn’t want to be invited to more parties or be the person others count on to bring the fun?
There is tremendous camaraderie in the dance world. As you learn and practice with other students, you’ll form lasting friendships with people who share your joy in movement. Not only that, but being able to dance is almost like a secret handshake. You’ll be welcomed warmly by other dancers anywhere in the world you may go, because they’ll all know why you really dance.
Quick – can you spot 3 things this couple is doing wrong? I can.
Don’t get me wrong, I love YouTube. It’s full of fun stuff, and I’ve used it to learn many things, from knitting to building a fence. But, there are some things it’s not good for, and learning to dance well with a partner is one of them.
Before I go any further, let me first explain what I mean by dancing well. Some people believe that being a good dancer means knowing a lot of steps. I beg to differ. The core of good partner dancing is being able to lead or follow effectively. Without those skills, you’re pretty much limited to dancing with people who have memorized the same patterns you have. Even then it might be rocky. Once you’ve mastered lead or follow however, you can dance with anyone in the world who has been properly trained. Anyone. Which would you prefer?
So now back to learning to dance using YouTube. We see a lot of people that have tried it and are so frustrated that they’re about to give up on dancing altogether. Why? Because videos don’t give you any feedback. It’s very difficult to evaluate your own movement patterns. That’s why athletes have coaches.
Try this. Put your arms around your partner and walk across the room. Remember, one of you is going backwards. Was it smooth and easy or did you step all over each other? Do you think it will be easier when you add in rhythm and changes of direction? Oh, you don’t have a partner? Do you plan to break out your new “skills” with a stranger in a crowded club? Hmmm. Let me know how it goes.
Leading and following both require a combination of subtle skills that must be mastered to be effective. They’re not difficult, but they’re not entirely intuitive either. If you’re learning with a partner and something isn’t working, you won’t know which one of you isn’t doing their part correctly. And guess what? It’s probably both of you. It’s even worse if you’re learning on your own, because you won’t even know if your move is working or not.
The truth is there are several things that almost every beginner does incorrectly at first, and an even greater number of individual quirks that are possible. Most videos don’t (or can’t) address all of them. That’s why learning to dance well requires the keen eye of a good instructor who can tell you what you’re doing right, what you’re doing wrong, and how to fix the problems. And that is something Professor YouTube will never be able to do.
Better.
One final thought. Once you’ve become a genuinely good dancer, if you want to go scouring YouTube for new moves, have at it. You have my blessing. 😉
We loved working on Sarah & Jason’s first dance. There is nothing flashy about this couple, but boy is there a lot of substance. Among other things they’re both whip smart, adventurous, and philanthropic. Their rustic wedding at a ranch in Colorado suited them perfectly, and their first dance to I Choose You showed off their athleticism and charm. My only teeny tiny regret? That no one would see Sarah’s crazy beautiful legs under the wedding gown!
Sarah & Jason’s first dance had to have a lift!
Small details can make a huge difference in how a dance looks and feels. Notice how often a seemingly small adjustment changed everything. And since they both took direction wonderfully, their improvement was usually rapid.
Hands on feedback!
Sarah and Jason also ticked all the boxes for a great first dance – start early, practice often, cooperate – and it shows in how polished they look.
[Apologies for the poor quality video, but you can still see how great they did.]
Just exercising common courtesy will go a long way on the dance floor, but there are a few ballroom specific things you might want to know.
Navigating the Floor
First of all, where should you be on the floor? For spot dances (swing, rumba, etc.) it really doesn’t matter. Any open space is fine (*usually). But for travelling dances (waltz, foxtrot, etc.) there is a structure similar to a racetrack. If you aren’t moving at all, stay in the center. Move out a little when you are ready to progress and utilize the periphery when you have the skill to move quickly and navigate effectively. And always keep in mind that the flow is counterclockwise, so you don’t end up going the wrong way on a one-way street. [*Some songs are appropriate for multiple dances, so even if you are doing a spot dance, be aware if others are travelling. In other words, don’t do swing in the foxtrot lane.]
Asking For/Accepting a Dance
It is a convention when at a ballroom event to dance with a variety of partners. This is partly to ensure that everyone has a good time, and partly to improve your own dancing. You can dance with more accomplished partners to elevate your own skills, then pay it back by dancing with the less experienced. If you are part of a group, try to dance with everyone at least once. If you’re on your own, spend some of your dances on the wallflowers. Not only is it kind, but you may find yourself pleasantly surprised by the experience. You don’t need to avoid approaching someone who is clearly part of a couple, but it is generally a good idea to ask their partner if they mind. Most don’t, but it’s better to ask. And if you are the one being asked, say yes unless there is a compelling reason not to. You don’t have to subject yourself to a partner that is known to be handsy or has extreme body odor, but don’t reject someone because they are inexperienced, socially awkward, or not part of your immediate circle. Again, you might be surprised.
After the Dance
Once you have asked someone to dance you should escort them onto the floor and back off again afterward. Simply walking away and leaving someone standing alone on the floor is rude and probably won’t get you many second dances. When the music ends, thank your partner, offer your arm, and return them to their seat. You may be a little less formal with someone you know well and dance with often, but it’s always appropriate to show appreciation for your partner.
Partnership
Always strive to complement your partner. For the leader that means not being rough or trying to force patterns far beyond your partners current capabilities. Making someone look good and feel comfortable is far more effective than showing off every move you know on someone who isn’t ready for them. Being able to assess a partner’s competency is a valuable skill, and dancing at (or slightly above) their level will make them feel accomplished and you look like a good leader.
As for followers, they should follow. It may be tempting to try and anticipate your partner’s next move. It’s also hard to resist “helping” a leader who seems to be struggling. Neither makes you or your partner a better dancer. Also, avoid breaking out things like dramatic styling or advanced syncopations on inexperienced partners. It will confuse and short-circuit them. Instead, concentrate on perfecting the basics and save the frills for someone who can match and appreciate them.
And no matter what, avoid blaming and complaining. Even if you’re right, it won’t make you very popular. It’s far too common (and a particular pet peeve of mine) to hear weak dancers complaining about the perceived inadequacies of their partners. You will always be sought-after and admired if you concentrate on improving your own skill and are generally kind and encouraging to others.
Showing Off
Save the tricks for performances. Full body drops, lifts, and the like have no place in social dancing. That kind of behavior is potentially dangerous, intimidates beginners, and irritates experienced dancers. If you’re truly a good dancer, you don’t need to prove it by slinging someone over your head on a crowded floor.
Collisions
Even the best dancers following all the rules will occasionally bump into one another. So will you. Often it is unclear who bumped into whom. Never try to assign blame. Simply say “excuse me” (or gracefully acknowledge the apology if you where clearly the bumpee) and move on. If you do encounter the rare aggressive (or oblivious) dancer that frequently plows into others, it is best to simply avoid them.
Common (Or Not) Sense
And finally, a few general guidelines that apply whether in a lesson or at a gala. They may seem like common sense, but experience tells me they still bear mentioning.
Don’t eat garlic or onions beforehand (unless everyone does), and don’t convince yourself that you can cover it up with a swig of mouthwash.
Take a shower and wear clean clothes.
Carry gum or mints.
Don’t douse yourself in cologne/perfume.
Put away the cell phone (unless you’re a surgeon or volunteer fireman on call) and pay attention to the people you’re with.
We can reach for the stars we find along the way …
Kendall & Sebastian
reached for the stars,
and caught them!
I’ll admit I’m a sucker for a Disney princess. You know the kind of woman who has her own tiara and isn’t afraid to rock it in public? So you can imagine that Kendall & Sebastian’s first dance on a beautiful summer evening in Court Square was pretty amazing. And since both bride and groom are carriage drivers, the wedding also included a dog and a horse! Who could ask for more?
It takes a lot of hard work (and a little glitter) to go from awkward …
