Imagine a gorgeous couple gliding and twirling through pink-tinged fog to the romantic sound of Luther Vandross. Yeah, Carla and Loray’s first dance was dreamy.
I promise to love faithfully
They even look good practicing!
This couple had a lot of pluses starting out. They’re both really sweet, both have lilting Caribbean accents (love that), and are both in the military. Why should that last part matter? In my experience military couples are super easy to work with. They pay attention, take instruction incredibly well, and don’t seem to know the word can’t. Plus, they practice!
Carla & Loray’s First Dance Was Pure Romance
The key to progressing quickly (and having fun doing it) is to learn from your mistakes, but to not take them too seriously. Laughter loosens the mind. Extra props to Loray for being the first person I’ve ever seen get the suave over the head move on the first try!
I love the Martha Graham quote, “Great dancers are not great because of their technique, they are great because of their passion.” In the first part of this series, I discussed the rational reasons for pursuing dance as a hobby. Some or all of them might apply to you, but emotion is what really turns an interest into a passion. Dancing feeds our deepest desires, and that’s why you really dance.
Dancing is sexy!
Deep down we all want to be special. Becoming a good dancer will give you a sense of creativity and achievement every time you step on the floor. When you dance, you’ll feel a glow from showing off a skill that most others don’t have.
Who do you picture as the epitome of grace? A dancer, of course. As you grow in skill, you’ll develop beautiful posture and carriage, and acquire more grace and poise. Your friends might not be able to put their fingers on it, but they will sense that you are radiating ease.
If you know how to dance, you’ll simply have more fun. No more sitting on the sidelines secretly wishing you could join in. Instead, other will be watching you with envy.
She must be a dancer!
Dancers are impressive. They’re fun, they’re fit, and they ooze sex appeal. If you’re trying to impress someone (or a whole lot of people), then learning to dance is a great place to start.
Being a good dancer will increase your social ease and self-confidence, which in turn will increase your popularity. Who wouldn’t want to be invited to more parties or be the person others count on to bring the fun?
There is tremendous camaraderie in the dance world. As you learn and practice with other students, you’ll form lasting friendships with people who share your joy in movement. Not only that, but being able to dance is almost like a secret handshake. You’ll be welcomed warmly by other dancers anywhere in the world you may go, because they’ll all know why you really dance.
I once worked with an instructor who also waited tables at a large Italian restaurant, and he told me something interesting about how the other guys on the staff reacted to his dancing. When they were all together, they would razz him unmercifully. But when it was one-on-one, they were curious and full of questions. If you take up dancing as a hobby, your friends will probably have questions too, so take some time to think about why you dance.
There are many reasons people choose to pursue a particular hobby (including dancing), and most of them fall into two categories: the rational and the emotional. In this post I’m going to focus on the rational. These are the clear (and socially acceptable) benefits that you can tell your friends and colleagues without feeling silly.
Dancing is great for relaxation and stress relief. We teach a lot of people with high stress jobs, and I believe it’s at least partly because of this. In addition to the physical component that burns off excess stress hormones, the mental focus needed to learn new steps pretty much blots out any nagging thoughts. Most people leave a lesson feeling refreshed and energized.
Dancing is good exercise. You can do it anywhere you have some space, you don’t need any special equipment, and it’s more fun than running on a treadmill. The number of calories burned and toning effects vary not only by the type of dance, but by how you dance. A gentle social rumba might be equivalent to a stroll around the block, while a full-on cha cha is more like running sprints. In other words, dance is adaptable to your goals and current fitness level.
Sometimes learning to dance is important to meet social obligations. My partner tells a story of a young army officer he once knew that always made it a point to dance with the wives of his superiors at military balls. The husbands were so grateful (or so the story goes) that he became a favorite among them and quickly rose through the ranks. True or not, the premise holds. If you regularly attend functions where there is dancing, you’ll be much more effective if you can participate.
Related to developing general social competence is preparing for a specific event. There are many possibilities, from teens learning to waltz for a cotillion, to boomers wanting to do the hustle at a 70’s-themed class reunion, to retirees going on a cruise. The biggie, of course, is weddings. First dance, father-daughter, mother-son – weddings are full of spotlight moments on the dance floor. And many parents will learn to dance together for the first time because of the momentousness of the occasion.
This is far from an exhaustive list, and every person will have their own set of rational reasons for pursuing this crazy hobby. So, what are you going to tell your friends about why you dance?
Somehow this pair manages to be both elegant and laid back, which made them super fun to work with. Of course, Mamie and Kyle’s first dance turned out beautifully, but what I really love is that you can see how much fun they’re having while they do it.
Just exercising common courtesy will go a long way on the dance floor, but there are a few ballroom specific things you might want to know.
Navigating the Floor
First of all, where should you be on the floor? For spot dances (swing, rumba, etc.) it really doesn’t matter. Any open space is fine (*usually). But for travelling dances (waltz, foxtrot, etc.) there is a structure similar to a racetrack. If you aren’t moving at all, stay in the center. Move out a little when you are ready to progress and utilize the periphery when you have the skill to move quickly and navigate effectively. And always keep in mind that the flow is counterclockwise, so you don’t end up going the wrong way on a one-way street. [*Some songs are appropriate for multiple dances, so even if you are doing a spot dance, be aware if others are travelling. In other words, don’t do swing in the foxtrot lane.]
Asking For/Accepting a Dance
It is a convention when at a ballroom event to dance with a variety of partners. This is partly to ensure that everyone has a good time, and partly to improve your own dancing. You can dance with more accomplished partners to elevate your own skills, then pay it back by dancing with the less experienced. If you are part of a group, try to dance with everyone at least once. If you’re on your own, spend some of your dances on the wallflowers. Not only is it kind, but you may find yourself pleasantly surprised by the experience. You don’t need to avoid approaching someone who is clearly part of a couple, but it is generally a good idea to ask their partner if they mind. Most don’t, but it’s better to ask. And if you are the one being asked, say yes unless there is a compelling reason not to. You don’t have to subject yourself to a partner that is known to be handsy or has extreme body odor, but don’t reject someone because they are inexperienced, socially awkward, or not part of your immediate circle. Again, you might be surprised.
After the Dance
Once you have asked someone to dance you should escort them onto the floor and back off again afterward. Simply walking away and leaving someone standing alone on the floor is rude and probably won’t get you many second dances. When the music ends, thank your partner, offer your arm, and return them to their seat. You may be a little less formal with someone you know well and dance with often, but it’s always appropriate to show appreciation for your partner.
Partnership
Always strive to complement your partner. For the leader that means not being rough or trying to force patterns far beyond your partners current capabilities. Making someone look good and feel comfortable is far more effective than showing off every move you know on someone who isn’t ready for them. Being able to assess a partner’s competency is a valuable skill, and dancing at (or slightly above) their level will make them feel accomplished and you look like a good leader.
As for followers, they should follow. It may be tempting to try and anticipate your partner’s next move. It’s also hard to resist “helping” a leader who seems to be struggling. Neither makes you or your partner a better dancer. Also, avoid breaking out things like dramatic styling or advanced syncopations on inexperienced partners. It will confuse and short-circuit them. Instead, concentrate on perfecting the basics and save the frills for someone who can match and appreciate them.
And no matter what, avoid blaming and complaining. Even if you’re right, it won’t make you very popular. It’s far too common (and a particular pet peeve of mine) to hear weak dancers complaining about the perceived inadequacies of their partners. You will always be sought-after and admired if you concentrate on improving your own skill and are generally kind and encouraging to others.
Showing Off
Save the tricks for performances. Full body drops, lifts, and the like have no place in social dancing. That kind of behavior is potentially dangerous, intimidates beginners, and irritates experienced dancers. If you’re truly a good dancer, you don’t need to prove it by slinging someone over your head on a crowded floor.
Collisions
Even the best dancers following all the rules will occasionally bump into one another. So will you. Often it is unclear who bumped into whom. Never try to assign blame. Simply say “excuse me” (or gracefully acknowledge the apology if you where clearly the bumpee) and move on. If you do encounter the rare aggressive (or oblivious) dancer that frequently plows into others, it is best to simply avoid them.
Common (Or Not) Sense
And finally, a few general guidelines that apply whether in a lesson or at a gala. They may seem like common sense, but experience tells me they still bear mentioning.
Don’t eat garlic or onions beforehand (unless everyone does), and don’t convince yourself that you can cover it up with a swig of mouthwash.
Take a shower and wear clean clothes.
Carry gum or mints.
Don’t douse yourself in cologne/perfume.
Put away the cell phone (unless you’re a surgeon or volunteer fireman on call) and pay attention to the people you’re with.
We can reach for the stars we find along the way …
Kendall & Sebastian
reached for the stars,
and caught them!
I’ll admit I’m a sucker for a Disney princess. You know the kind of woman who has her own tiara and isn’t afraid to rock it in public? So you can imagine that Kendall & Sebastian’s first dance on a beautiful summer evening in Court Square was pretty amazing. And since both bride and groom are carriage drivers, the wedding also included a dog and a horse! Who could ask for more?
It takes a lot of hard work (and a little glitter) to go from awkward …
The What, Why, Who, Where, & When of Dance Practice
Practice Makes Progress
What
Some of the most common questions we hear are about dance practice. The Merriam-Webster dictionary defines practice as to do or perform often, customarily, or habitually or to perform or work at repeatedly so as to become proficient. The upshot is repetition and habit. Trying to remember some steps 5 minutes before your lesson is not practice – it’s review.
Have Fun Practicing Dance With Friends
Why
Notice that part of the second definition above is to become proficient. That is one of the main reasons for practice. Presumably you’re taking dance lessons with the goal of becoming a good dancer, and practice is the key to success. You’ll also enjoy your lessons more because you’ll progress faster and feel a greater sense of achievement. And if your goal is specific and short term (e.g. a first dance at a wedding), you’ll save money because you’ll need fewer lessons to reach your objective.
Another important (and often underappreciated) reason for practicing is simply that it’s fun. If it’s not, then you’re taking it too seriously or you need to find another hobby.
be Joyful
Who
Alone. I often hear people say they can’t practice because they don’t have a partner. I’m going to call bull on that. Sure, dancing with someone else is part of the fun and is necessary to improve your ability to lead or follow. But rhythm, timing, technique, quality of movement, body lines, and pattern recall can all be practiced on your own. That’s a lot of stuff! Take responsibility for improving your own dancing and not only will you feel pride in your accomplishments, but you’ll be a far more attractive to potential dance partners when they’re available.
With a Partner. If you do have a partner that is willing and available, then by all means take advantage of it. Now is the time to sharpen your leading or following skills. Just make sure it’s fun, because be it a friend, spouse, sibling, or whatever, a partner that has fun and feels appreciated is far more likely to want to repeat the experience.
In Your Own Head. Don’t underestimate the power of power of visualization Many elite athletes use it regularly and so can you. Fully engage your senses. Hear the music. Picture your lines. Sense your partner. Feel your muscles contract and lengthen. Done correctly visualization can be highly productive. It can also be deeply engrossing, so though you can do it anywhere (at the airport, in the grocery line, at a red light), use some common sense about when to practice in it.
Hear It, See It, Feel It
Where
At Home. Practicing in your home is the easiest (and lowest pressure) option and probably the one you will use the most. Push back the chairs, pour a glass of wine (or not), put on some music, and have some fun.
At a Studio. Most studios have a weekly practice party, and many also organize outings for their students. There are several advantages to attending these on a regular basis. You will get the chance to practice with others that are interested in and learning the same things you are, instructors will be on hand to help if you get stuck, and the music will be varied and appropriate.
Gyms, Churches, Country Clubs, and Community Centers. Many organizations have rooms set aside for group exercise and social gatherings that are available to members when not in use. Be sure to find out what the policy is to access them, and if there are any restrictions (such as available times or types of footwear allowed), but don’t be afraid to think outside the box. More than once I’ve heard of people practicing in unused racquetball courts or park pavilions.
At Work. No, I’m not suggesting that you start slacking at work or engaging your coworkers in flash mobs. This one is best explained with a few examples from actual students that have found creative ways to fit practice into their workdays.
A couple that work in the same office use the conference room to practice during lunch. Note that people may look at you funny when you both come out rumpled and breathing hard.
A man improves his Latin motion while walking up the parking garage ramp. He says the attendants love it.
A middle school football coach practices choreography with his fiancée in the gym after school.
A blacksmith dances hustle while at the forge. I still can’t quite picture how this works, but he’s a great dancer, so it must.
On the Town. For some this is the most intimidating possibility, but if you go to a nightclub, class reunion, or wedding reception and have the opportunity to dance, then take it. Don’t worry if you don’t know much or no one else is dancing. Chances are they know even less than you do, and they’ll be impressed and curious about what you’re doing.
Make The Most Of Your Workday
When
As often as possible.
They May Have The Hold Backwards, But They’re Having Fun!
“If we’re going to be awkward, at least we’ll be awkward together” is one of the sweetest things I’ve overheard in a lesson. For better or worse, right? And although they did struggle a bit at first, with patience and practice, Rachel and Court’s first dance was lovely in the end.
This couple is a total swipe right – fun, photogenic, and fabulous! They brought a lot of joy to their lessons, and you can see it in their super fun first dance.
Lifts are tricky, but with lots of instruction and practice they can be worth it.
